Happy Birthday to Me.

According to my birth certificate, 19 years ago I was born.


I really don't like birthdays. I feel awkward being congratulated and asked: "What does it feel like to be 19?". It doesn't feel different. I will feel awkward when later on I have to say my age and I hesitate in a mental battle that goes something like:
-I'm 18, I mean 19, I mean, yeah 19...

Also I feel like I have to be the center of attention the entire day, and that I need to act entertaining for everyone. I also feel awkward opening gifts. What if I don't like it? I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling, I wanna be thankful. What if it's cash? I like cash, yet it's not something that will take my breath away. What if I don't get anything? Well that would suck, yet it would be great at the same time.

I also feel like I need to have a smile fixed on my face the entire day. My face hurts when I smile for too long. Even if it is genuine. If it's not genuine, my face trembles.

But yet here I am: "Another year older, but none the wiser". I'm just glad I'm healthy, and with my family. That's enough to make me happy. Happy birthday, to me :]

I'm a big fat procrastinator!!!

I have recently discovered that I procrastinate a lot. And I must admit that I am not happy about it. I go all day long just goofing around, and then I suddenly realize that it is dark outside, and that I didn't do anything at all that day. ALL DAY!! When I could have done my homework, read over my class notes, bake some cookies or cupcakes for my family, walk my dog, clean my room, read a book, watch my Jonas Brothers and Demi Lovato DVDs... but I just don't seem to get to it. It is frustrating, but I really can't help it...

For example, right now I should be writing my English essay (which is a very messy rough draft as of right now...), writing a journal for another class, and getting into bed early. I only have classes Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I had four days to do all the mentioned before, and I didn't do anything. It is embarrassing to tell you this, but it is the truth, and it is all about being sincere here.

So, I need to make major changes in my behavior, because like this, I won't get anywhere in life. Well, I'm going to stop writing this post and try and do a bit of my homework. Maybe it would be better if I told my mother about my procrastination issues, because she would be happy to end my suffering by slicing my throat.

Goodnight,
Love,
Ana